Well, This Is Exhausting

May 3, 2021
GQ sex columnist Benoit debuts with a riotous collection of essays illuminating her rocky path to self-acceptance. More than anything, she notes, “It’s the story of how I learned how to be good for myself rather than for other people.” Starting with her 1990s childhood, Benoit writes candidly about her life as an overachieving youth in Kirkwood, Mo.; her years as a worrisome college student; and her eventual transformation to burgeoning young feminist. After her parents divorced when she was young, she and her sister bounced back and forth between their mom and dad’s lofty expectations, which always caused “a film of blame.” This led to extraordinary anxiety for Benoit, which followed her throughout her adolescence, as she aimed to please everyone but herself. But after trying everything from reinventing herself as a “chill girl” working at a hockey warehouse to being a beta tester in college for the dating app Bumble—which was “full of filthy-hot men”—she discovered Twitter and an army of female comedians railing against lousy dudes and finally realized a man’s approval wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. “I had reached another plane of existence and that existence was ‘If you fucking speak to me, I’ll murder you.’ ” Heartening and hilarious, this is prime summer reading material. Agent: Jessica Felleman, Jennifer Lyons Literary Agency.

May 15, 2021
A 20-something comedian and journalist explores how she "learned to be good for herself rather than for other people." For Benoit, a sex and relationship advice columnist for GQ, trying to "beat the system just by behaving" is impossible, especially as a woman or member of a marginalized community. A people-pleaser who strove to be "a good kid" for her divorced parents, she grew up feeling pressured to follow standards of female beauty and behavior that did not fit her. As a teen with a "voracious sexual appetite," she struggled with the conventional notion that males were the only ones allowed to express desire. That she happened to be overweight made her desires seem transgressive and "something to tell jokes about." Consequently, she became "an approachable, kind, upbeat girl who didn't talk too much." Through college, she dated a series of "hot asshole[s]" who treated her poorly. Not until she became a young professional did Benoit cultivate meaningful friendships with other women that allowed her to stop prioritizing the "male gaze" over her own happiness. Tired of trying so hard to please men, she eventually tried online dating for a period of time ("Cocktober") and discovered that she "liked hooking up with strangers." In finding the nurturing love she thought was as "sappy" as the romance novels she secretly adored, the author began to understand that the socially lauded female independence she admired was part of a "hypercapitalistic fantasy of girl power" that put women in an impossible double bind. Though often sharply observed, Benoit's essays offer too many details, which she often footnotes with observations on her own observations, as well as trivialities--e.g., how-to lists and hit-or-miss film critiques "based on whether I thought [the protagonist's] character was a helpful or harmful depiction of adult womanhood." The result is a book that should appeal to young women but that also exhausts rather than satisfies. Humorous, intermittently insightful, but overdone.

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June 1, 2021

Anyone who has ever felt like an outcast, like they missed the class where everyone else learned how to kiss, or how to behave in social settings, or how to respect yourself and others, will relate to GQ writer Benoit's essay collection. In it, Benoit writes about growing up early and being hyper-responsible; in the next breath, she discusses unrequited crushes, body image issues, and her willingness to do anything to be accepted. This memoir epitomizes growing up as a Millennial-Gen Z cusper, with all of the accompanying fears and desires; doing whatever it takes to be liked and wanted; and the resulting fallout and restructuring of self. Benoit's writing style is like a witty, long-form tweet--familiar, pithy, and off-the-cuff. Prepare to feel like you know Benoit personally, as some chapters are written with a level of intimacy uncommon in most memoirs. VERDICT Benoit brings her A game in her first book, a new addition to the recent spate of brutally honest memoirs. Recommended for fans of Samantha Irby.--Ahliah Bratzler, Indianapolis

Copyright 2021 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Starred review from June 1, 2021
Readers looking for an entertaining escape from their everyday grind will appreciate the opportunity to take a moment or two to see the world from sex and relationship advice columnist, comedian, and Twitter darling Benoit's point-of-view. This collection of 30 brief personal essays, some with bonus content in the form of footnotes that feel like a friend's whispered asides, spans the years from her less than idyllic childhood to the present. Benoit's engaging writing style invites laughter while she sparks serious contemplation on a variety of topics, from being caught between warring divorced parents to considering the damage done when expectations about someone are based solely on gender and society's skewed judgement of different body shapes and sizes. Readers suffering from a short attention span can easily read one essay at a time before wandering off, but will most likely return quickly for more. Benoit's memoir-in-essays is a good suggestion for fans of I'm Fine . . . and Other Lies (2017) by Whitney Cummings, Approval Junkie (2016) by Faith Saile, and works by Roxane Gay and Samantha Irby.

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